Non-Apologies (Why Bother?)

09 Wednesday Aug 2023

Posted by in Education

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

,

One of my pet peeves has always been when people say something like, “I want to thank you for …” or “I would like to say …” or “I want to apologize for ….” I always want to reply with something like, “Great, are you going to?” or “Cool, when will you?” Perhaps it’s those English teachers (and I know one of my high school English teachers is reading this post (Thank You!)) who kept telling us to say what we want to say that sunk in all those years ago. Or perhaps it is because my mom is also a teacher, and she also said the same thing. And I know I work in academia, where we like to wax poetic, but I’ve always been a “cut to the chase” person. Look, you can save yourself three or four words if you simply say “Thank you for xxx,” or just say what you want to say without the preface that you want to say it! You’re saying it, after all. But this post is not about an English lesson. I guess it is, sort of. It is also about saying what you want, and specifically, apologies!

In her song “Take a Bow,” Rihanna says, “Don’t tell me you’re sorry ’cause you’re not. Baby, when I know you’re only sorry you got caught.” Of course, the context in the song is different, but the sentiment rings true! And just like with the “I want to thank you,” I don’t buy the “I want to say I’m sorry.” or “I want to apologize.” If you’re sorry, then say it. Simple. And mean it!

Written in 2014, psychologist Harriet Lerner offers “9 Rules for True Apologies.” If you don’t know how to apologize, use the tips highlighted here.

I was compelled to write this brief post because of a non-apology I heard today. Fortunately (?) it was not directed at me, so I didn’t request an apology from the person. However, I hope that if the person who delivered the non-apology reads this post, they’ll think about how they express their apologies in the future.

–

Making America Great (Again?)

01 Saturday Jul 2023

Posted by in Diversity Equity Accessibility Inclusion, Education, Equity

≈ Leave a comment

For several years, someone occupied arguably the most powerful seat in American government and used the phrase, “Make America Great Again!” For those of us who are minorities or underrepresented in any way (Black and Brown people, LGBTQIA+, women, for example), we knew exactly what he meant. 

For those who have yet to pay close attention, I hope the rulings from the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) in 2022 and 2023 helped to open your eyes. 

Who can argue with the slogan, “Make America Great?” Who doesn’t want their country to thrive? To live where we can love our neighbors, walk down the street, and say hello to people? To have access to low-cost, quality education? To have affordable and quality healthcare? To have jobs that pay a living wage? To have affordable housing? To feel safe in your own home or on the streets? To have the infrastructure and services (utilities, transportation, internet, police, libraries, etc.) that support the above? These things make a country great. So it’s easy to grab onto that slogan. 

The part I have a problem with is “Again.” When was America “great” to these people? Which “great” America do these people want to see? The one where Black people don’t have the right to vote and are denied access to education, jobs, and basic security? The one where women don’t have the right to vote or to have any opinions about their own healthcare? The one where LGBTQIA+ people are hidden in the shadows and have no rights? The one where immigrants are not welcomed to this country? 

It certainly seems that this America (where those who have been historically marginalized) is the America we live in today. The politicians and legislators are making it very clear that this is the America they want to live in. I guess this is the “greatness” to which they aspire. If you are a cis-gendered white, heterosexual male, you should be OK. And if you have some generational wealth, you’ll do even better. 

With each day comes a new act of further marginalizing the marginalized. And it’s not happening only in some states – although these acts are more egregious (at least at the moment) in some states than in others. But the SCOTUS tells us in their rulings that this marginalization should be  – and now are – the law. 

So where do we go from here? I wish I had an answer to this question. We continue the fight to maintain what rights and freedoms we have left and regain those that have been taken away. This fight is exhausting and seems never-ending at times. But I recall the words of a former university administrator who said we must be “eternally vigilant” to see the change we want to see. If you haven’t already, this is my call to action for you to join the fight. WAKE UP if you’re still sleeping, see what’s happening around you, and do what you can to help effect positive change! 

Justice Served?

20 Tuesday Apr 2021

Posted by in #BlackLivesMatter, Diversity Equity Accessibility Inclusion

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Today (April, 20, 2021), a jury in Minneapolis found Derek Chauvin – a former police officer – guilty of killing George Floyd. Chauvin was an active duty officer at the time of the killing. It is certainly to be celebrated that the jury reached the verdict that it did. The verdict is to be celebrated because we have seen time and time again that either no charges are brought against those who kill Black and Brown people, or when charges are brought, the accused will not be convicted.

It is difficult for be to be in such a celebratory mood, however, because I don’t know if this is actually a sign of change. I didn’t watch the trial religiously as some others did, but there were many police officers and police-affiliated witnesses who testified against Derek Chauvin. I ask therefore, why is he being “sacrificed”? Is there an actual crack in the blue wall? Was it the nine-plus minutes of Chaivin with his knee on Mr. Floyd’s neck that made a difference? The jury was asked to “believe their eyes,” which I guess they did. Makes me wonder why the Rodney King jury did not believe their eyes? That was a different time, for sure, when there was not as much rage among so many people about social justice issues.

I do hope that this verdict signals a greater change in our society and that the Derek Chauvin verdict is not a fluke. We will watch to see what happens with the Kimberly Ann Potter (who shot and killed Daunte Wright) case, and unfortunately, the cases that are still to come. I could go on about the need for police reform and the need for general respect for the lives of Black and Brown people. I certainly hope I will see the day when such respect is demonstrated on a routine basis. For now, I guess I will accept the fact that there is some sense of justice for the Floyd family and hope that we won’t be here again.

#BlackLivesMatter

Will We Ever Learn?

16 Friday Apr 2021

Posted by in Diversity Equity Accessibility Inclusion, Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

I came across the text below as an image on Instagram and I wish I knew to whom attribution could be made – except for the people named in the piece AND those who were unnamed (because sadly, the piece would be much too long to name all the Black and Brown bodies that have been killed or harassed in similar ways). I’ve said this before, but we put out statements or we issue hope and prayers, and we say things like, “hate and racism have no place in this neighborhood/school/city/country.” Maybe it’s a good thing we aren’t making a lot of statements anymore because these statements all ring hollow when we see no change in the behaviors of the people who keep killing us. What’s the point of a statement when the actions that lead to them do not change? Yes, these statements are just performative and there is no real desire (or seemingly no desire) for the real structural changes that are needed to enable Black and Brown bodies to simply LIVE! And if racism and hatred have no place in our society, why do we keep seeing it play out every day? (A rhetorical question, for sure).

And now, as if trying to live wasn’t enough, assuming the governor of Florida signs the HB-1 bill), in Florida:

    • Protesting will become a felony (leading to the removal of voting rights)
    • “Aggravated rioting” will also be a felony
    • Protesters will be denied bail
    • People who kill or do bodily harm to protesters will be immune from civil prosecution
    • Pulling down or damaging confederate statutes will be a crime
    • The state (FL) may override any local municipality that decreases police funding

If this is not a harbinger of things to come in other so-called “red states” I don’t know what is. And if you don’t see a problem with this legislation, I am not going to attempt to explain it here. 

I, therefore, ask, again, “will we ever learn?” Will we learn to treat Black and Brown people with the respect we deserve? Will we ever be treated like the human beings that we are? Will it ever be safe for us to walk, to jog, to shop, to play, to breathe? I sure hope that day will come when we can do these things and feel safe doing them.  

Today I make no call for action. I’ve done a lot of that. This is merely a reflective post as I wait to see what happens in Florida; as I wait to see what happens in Minnesota (with the Chauvin case); and sadly, as I wait to see when another Black or Brown body will be killed simply for being!

The text of the Instagram Post:

“I need to drive my two-year-old to daycare tomorrow morning. To ensure we arrive alive, we won’t take public transit (Oscar Grant). I removed all air fresheners from the vehicle and double-checked my registration status (Daunte Wright), and ensured my license plates were visible (Lt. Caron Nazario). I will be careful to follow all traffic rules (Philando Castille), signal every turn (Sandra Bland), keep the radio volume low (Jordan Davis), and won’t stop at a fast food chain for a meal (Rayshard Brooks). I’m too afraid to pray (Rev. Clementa C. Pickney) so I just hope the car won’t break down (Corey Jones).

When my wife picks him up at the end of the day, I’ll remind her not to dance (Elijah McClain), stop to play in a park (Tamir Rice), patronize the local convenience store for snacks (Trayvon Martin), or walk around the neighborhood (Mike Brown). Once they are home, we won’t stand in our backyard (Stephon Clark), eat ice cream on the couch (Botham Jean), or play any video games (Atatiana Jefferson).

After my wife and I tuck him into bed around 7:30pm, neither of us will leave the house to go to Walmart (John Crawford) or to the gym (Tshyrand Oates) or on a jog (Ahmaud Arbery). We won’t even walk to see the birds (Christian Cooper). We’ll just sit and try not to breathe (George Floyd) and not to sleep (Breonna Taylor).”

Author unknown
(subsequently identified as David Gray)

Study suggests American colleges explain diversity in a way that appeals to white, not Black, people

15 Thursday Apr 2021

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Image: Why do colleges have diversity plans? It may seem an obvious question. After all, most colleges have diversity plans and frequently quote from them. When there is an ugly racial incident on campus, colleges administrators are quick to say how inconsistent it is with their diversity and inclusion policies.

Source: Study suggests American colleges explain diversity in a way that appeals to white, not Black, people